How to Talk to People and Hold Conversations Comfortably

Talking to people looks so easy when you watch other people do it.
They bump into someone, say a few words, laugh, ask a question, tell a story… and somehow ten minutes have passed and they’re still going.

Meanwhile, you might be standing there thinking:

• What do I even say?
• How do they come up with things so fast?
• Why does my brain go blank the second it’s my turn to talk?

If that’s you, nothing is “wrong” with you. No one is born knowing how to talk to people and hold conversations comfortably. Most people just had more practice, safer spaces, or less self-consciousness growing up.

The good news: conversation is a skill.
Which means you can learn it, practice it, and get quietly really good at it over time—even if you feel awkward right now.

Let’s walk through some gentle, realistic ways to feel more at ease when you talk to people, start conversations, and keep them going without forcing it.

Why Talking to People Feels So Hard (You’re Not Weird, You’re Just Human)

Before we get into steps and scripts, it helps to understand why this feels so intense in the first place.

A few things might be going on:

• Your brain wants to avoid rejection, so it treats social situations like danger.
• You’re busy monitoring yourself (“How do I look? How do I sound?”) instead of actually listening.
• You think you have to be funny, impressive, or interesting every second.
• You’ve had awkward experiences in the past and now your body remembers the embarrassment.

When you realise this, it becomes less “I’m bad at people” and more “Oh, my nervous system is just on high alert.”
That’s something you can work with.

Before You Talk: Calm Your Body First, Not Your Thoughts

Most advice about how to talk to people goes straight to “Say this” or “Ask that.” But if your body is in panic mode, even the best script will feel impossible.

So before a conversation (or even mid-conversation), try tiny body resets like:

• Take one slow, deep breath, longer on the exhale than the inhale.
• Unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, and let your hands soften.
• Feel your feet on the ground or your back against the chair.
• Gently remind yourself: “I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be present.”

You don’t need to be totally calm to talk to people. You just need to be calm enough to stay in the moment instead of in your head.

How to Start a Conversation Without Being Awkward

Starting is usually the scariest part. Luckily, the bar for opening lines is way lower than we think.

You don’t need a clever joke or deep question. Simple is best.

You can start with:

• Situational comments
  “This place is really busy today.”
  “The playlist here is actually so good.”
• Genuine compliments
  “I love your jacket, the colour really suits you.”
  “Your laptop stickers are so cool—where did you get them?”
• Shared context
  “Have you taken this class before?”
  “How did you hear about this event?”

The goal of these openers is not to impress them. It’s just to open the door. Once the door is open, you can move into questions and shared experiences.

How to Keep the Conversation Going (Without Carrying It Alone)

Once you’ve started talking, the next fear is, “Okay… now what?”
This is where people either start over-talking to fill every silence, or shut down completely.

Here are a few gentle tools to keep things flowing:

• Ask open, not closed, questions
  Instead of “Did you like it?” (yes/no)
  Try “What did you think of it?” or “What was your favourite part?”
• Use the “thread” method
  Whenever they say something, look for a thread you can pull:
  “I work in marketing.” → “Oh, cool. What kind of marketing do you do?”
  “I love cooking.” → “What’s your go-to thing to cook when you’re tired?”
• Reflect back what they said
  “So you moved here last year? That must’ve been a big change.”
  “Sounds like your job is pretty intense sometimes.”
• Share small pieces of yourself
  You don’t have to monologue, but giving little bits of your own experience helps:
  “I’m the same, I need coffee to feel like a person in the morning.”
  “I’ve never tried that, but it sounds fun.”

Conversations work best when both people are taking turns passing the ball, not when you’re trying to juggle everything alone.

What to Say When Your Brain Suddenly Goes Blank

Everyone has those moments where their mind just… stops. The panic rises: “Say something. Anything.”
Instead of spiraling, you can keep a few “backup lines” in your pocket.

You could:

• Ask a simple follow-up
  “How did you get into that?”
  “Do you do that often?”
  “What made you decide to try it?”
• Switch gently to a related topic
  “That reminds me—have you watched any good shows lately?”
  “Speaking of travel, is there somewhere you’d love to visit?”
• Be playfully honest (if the vibe is right)
  “My brain just went totally blank for a second—sorry, it’s been a long day.” laughs

Often, the other person is relieved you’re being real and will help carry the conversation from there.

How to Stop Overthinking Every Word You Say

One of the biggest blocks when you’re learning how to talk to people is the constant self-critique after every sentence.

Did I sound weird?
Was that too much?
Should I have said something smarter?

Most people are not analysing you as hard as you think. They’re usually:

• thinking about themselves
• wondering if they sound okay
• grateful someone else is keeping the conversation going

To calm the overthinking cycle, you can:

• Focus on connection, not performance
  The point of a conversation is to connect, not to give a perfect speech.
• Ask yourself a kinder question
  Instead of “Did I sound stupid?” try “Did I show up as myself?”
• Give the conversation a neutral ending
  “It was nice chatting with you, I’m going to grab some water.”

You don’t have to nail every moment. If the general energy was kind and respectful, you did fine.

Mini Scripts for Common Situations

Sometimes it helps to have simple lines ready for specific moments. Here are a few you can adapt to your own voice.

• Meeting someone new
  “Hi, I’m [name]. How do you know [host / company / event]?”
• Joining a group conversation
  “Hey, mind if I join you guys?”
  “You were talking about [topic]—I’ve always wondered about that…”
• Leaving a conversation
  “It was really nice talking to you. I’m going to say hi to a few other people.”
  “I’m going to grab some food/drink, but it was so good chatting.”
• When there’s a pause
  “So, outside of work/school, what do you like to do?”
  “Have you had any fun plans lately?”

You don’t have to copy these word-for-word. They’re just training wheels until your own natural phrasing starts flowing more easily.

How to Talk to People When You’re Shy or Socially Out of Practice

If you’ve been isolated, working from home, or just avoiding social situations for a while, getting back into conversations can feel extra clunky.

A few ways to make it gentler:

• Start with low-pressure places
  Cashiers, baristas, classmates, coworkers you already know a little.
• Set small goals
  “Today I’ll make eye contact and smile.”
  “Today I’ll ask one follow-up question.”
• Use your environment
  Comment on something you can both see:
  “This line is taking forever, isn’t it?”
  “The weather really can’t decide what it wants today.”

You don’t have to suddenly become “social.” Tiny reps count. Every small interaction makes the next one easier.

Ending Conversations Without Feeling Rude

Sometimes conversations drag on because you don’t know how to leave without feeling mean. Learning to close things kindly is part of holding conversations comfortably.

You can use lines like:

• “I’m going to top up my drink, but it was so nice talking to you.”
• “I should find my friend / take this call / head out, but I’m glad we got to chat.”
• “I’m going to sit down for a bit, my legs are done—but I really enjoyed this.”

You’re not responsible for entertaining someone forever. You’re allowed to step away, as long as you do it with basic kindness.

Practice in Places Where It’s Okay to Be Awkward

The more pressure you put on yourself (“I must be smooth and impressive”), the harder this will feel. So instead of making your first practice ground a job interview or date, use low-stakes spaces.

You can practice:

• saying “hi” to neighbours you see regularly
• asking one extra question in class or at work
• chatting lightly with people in queues or waiting rooms
• joining group calls or online spaces where talking is optional

Over time, your brain learns, “Oh. I can survive conversations. Nothing terrible happened.”

That’s when you start to naturally relax.

A Gentle Reminder About Learning How to Talk to People

You don’t have to become the loudest person in the room.
You don’t have to turn into a nonstop storyteller.
You don’t have to fake extroversion to be good at talking to people.

Holding conversations comfortably is more about:

• being present instead of perfect
• being curious instead of impressive
• being kind instead of constantly “on”

Every time you ask one more question, share one little thing about yourself, or stay in a conversation for a few minutes longer than you normally would, you’re building this skill.

You’re allowed to feel awkward and still be worthy of connection.
You’re allowed to practise.
You’re allowed to be a work-in-progress socially and still be lovable and interesting exactly as you are.